Partly in grief, partly with his new-ness, Max started out as a round little being to focus my dog person routines and Jory-inspired habits at. Better than a void. But I felt... Disconnected, and blocked.
I knew that he was new, but Jory was new, and we bonded fiercely on our trip back from Arizona. It was much more of an ordeal for me, I was tired and under an artificial time limit. Then we made that finish line and Jory's heart was broken when he lost his sister. I was all alone with my new partner. He slept at the foot of my very long cot in the new apartment, guarding us from my brother and Alpha Male.
It could be age, or socialization opportunities, but Max was a trembly little squeak machine. He had both of us to depend on, I wanted him better bonded to Alpha Male anyway. Only half my dog. We weren't struggling to get home, Alpha Male and I were wiser from my mistake and planned on a night of sleep, no screaming deadlines. He was cute, I was terrified something would happen to him.
I trusted that a relationship would come, but for now Max was a project, a fragile new thing entrusted to us, a soul for which I had to summon warmth and pride and confidence... When I just wanted to cry and die. At least hibernate in a cocoon for years and years. So I was all present and sweet in the day, and when we're apart I retreat(ed) into my grief.
I trusted that a relationship would come, but for now Max was a project, a fragile new thing entrusted to us, a soul for which I had to summon warmth and pride and confidence... When I just wanted to cry and die. At least hibernate in a cocoon for years and years. So I was all present and sweet in the day, and when we're apart I retreat(ed) into my grief.
Max's firsts weren't mine, I was in chapter two of a book with my eyes on the resolution, waiting for him to reach the conclusion. "Just keep going out, and he'll be confident."
His behavior was also similar enough for the reactions to his novel items, our old haunts and routines, to be reminders that Jory was part of a breed, a dog like other dogs. Jory was my everything, yet had been functionally replaced. I don't like that about me, that I could do that, and be pretty okay with it. But I kind of have to be.
Back to the firsts: I'd seen these expressions before, in a fuzzy body that had charmed me to pieces. Why wasn't Max as cute to me? Maybe the hole in my heart was too big, there wasn't any heart left to build "a new place." Or too scabbed over. Some emotional block, loyalty forbidding me from really connecting? I had concerns, but I also had optimism. His baby grunts were the sweetest, most expressive, sassy little things that made me forget all my baggage.
I tried my best to listen to who he is. His little personality. Still do. That's helped, to try and put these clues of his personality together into something cohesive. He's still pretty little, but it's coming out. Then Max hit 18 weeks, and his griffonage fluffed out a little more. "You're so CUTE now!" :D8 I guess I just have picky taste.
But most of all, I think the difference is in training. He will get stuck on offering "sit" or "down" sometimes, but he figured out down, and his proud little flop to the floor is just heart warming. I'm just very pleased with how well he is doing. And between our little grocery explorations, the puppy party, playing, and regular care for him, we are building ourselves a nice relationship. He doesn't cry for me to pick him up anymore, he grabs the leash and trots proudly with it in his mouth.
I feel like "pleased" is a word that requires investment in something other than yourself to really grasp the true meaning of. Maybe I'm wrong. I was planning on exploring this more, but whatever.
Btw, Maximus loves the slicker brush. That was a cute discovery. Gets his hind leg kicking wild. :)
We also tried the nail grinder (weak dremel) for the first time. Less fuss but it takes longer.
His shot tired him out yesterday, and we took him to the park today to sniffs and chase his ball. I got some outside obedience in, too. So it has been a really relaxed, nice weekend.
I shared a pdf with Alpha Male and explained why I do what may seem weird, like shaping and taking the puppy to bake our pizza with friends, and he was very nice. Sometimes I don't communicate vocally very well. I'm glad that he took it nicely.
I found a good source to help me with the shaping. I'm a pretty big noob there, but it's great practice for me. Him too. He talks when he gets frustrated. :)
Max hyperventilates often when he sleeps... Is that normal?
Peace out
No comments:
Post a Comment